omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
