Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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