Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
