I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
