its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
