So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
