I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
