I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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