I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
