Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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