awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I faked an abortion last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
