We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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