you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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