i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
