So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize