That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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