Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
