dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
