McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
