I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
