So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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