Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
