so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
