Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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