We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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