I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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