Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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