Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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