My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
did you just send me my own nude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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