Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
