How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
