allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
