When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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