Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
