I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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