I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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