I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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