Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
