i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
