Christians are straight up FREAKS
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize