he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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