hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
