His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
