Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
