i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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