Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize