Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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