So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
