wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
