either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
