I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
