Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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