Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize