office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
