My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
