she smelled like a LAN party
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
