I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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