If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
