I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need a beard to bite.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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