Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
