kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
