how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You've changed since you got that strap on
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
