Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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