you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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