Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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