Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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