separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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